Are you happy?

Are you happy? If you honestly answer this question, with no politically or intellectually correct formulations and formulae, I believe there is some reason to read on.
What is this something outside each one of us which seems to pull us so much so that you want to cease to be yourself, and be subsumed in some other identity; yet not be willing enough to absolutely forego the individuality or ‘ego’? You always wanted to be something else. You are not satisfied with what you are at any point of time. There is something which tells you about something further, just across the mountain, something like a promised land, something like a mirage which keeps moving even as you advance.
Now, one could argue that this is the innate urge for perfection. Conversely, it could be that shameless materialist within you seeking something outside all the while, without realizing that peace and contentment is within you. You can subscribe to any of these views depending on your ideological presumptions, philosophy of life and inherent biases, but the question remains unanswered: are you happy? If your philosophy of life doesn’t give you happiness or contentment, what worth is it to you…or is your Philosophy of Life for mere academic consumption?
Ultimately isn’t every shade of philosophical thought a pretext to rationalization of life? Rationalization, justification and reconciliation of ones urges, needs, selfish deeds, motives and all those subtle unexplainable elements which determine human behaviour is cleverly secured through ‘philosophy’. This is not to denigrate philosophy but to try and understand the utility of philosophy.

Coming back to the question; are you happy… the answer would be predicated by what philosophy you subscribe to. The sad fact is that the dominant philosophy of popular culture is one that values ‘success’ as its desired goal or objective which incidentally is hammered into the cognitia of everyone from childhood. Success here would connote not mere materialistic success but a wider entity. Consequentially, a subscriber to popular philosophical thought would see the terminal value of success as the sole rationalization of his life and deeds. And resultantly, failure signifies a breakdown of philosophy and hence lack of rationalization of life and effort. With the breakdown of rationalization of the apparatus of life, one ends up being discontented and unhappy.

Now, how common is success? Life is not so generous. Not more than 2% of all human effort would result in success if one seriously thinks of it. To those who felt 2% is pessimistic, let me suggest that even 2% is quite an overestimation. Of all the cumulated desires, urges, wishes, aspirations and the resultant efforts indulged in by an average human being, is it not true that bulk of these go unsatisfied? And in such circumstances, should a philosophy that has as its terminal value an attribute available only for 2% be the norm? What about the 98% which seeks to rationalize failure? The popular philosophical thoughts of the day give him no room for rationalization or justification of his failure. He is doomed. He is sad. He is discontented.
To be happy, you need a philosophy of life that justifies and accepts failure, if not eulogize it. To put it bluntly, winners do not need to philosophize. It is the losers who need a philosophy. A philosophy which ignores 98% of humanity is not worth its name.




(The snap is of a school child in Katekalyan, Dantewada enjoying her mid-day meal. She was happy.)

Capitalist Blogger

People who came over here would've found that I was away for a while. Others who did not come over to find that out deserve no acknowledgement from me. To hell with them. I was really busy over the week.I didnt update my blog for long. I've valid reasons and excuses my friends...

Last week, one of my friends bought a Mercedes E class. He didn't know to drive it properly. Since I'm well accustomed to driving Mercedes since childhood,I offered to teach him. But I often get confused with the gear handle of my BMW with that of my Merc... it was a very difficult task for me.So this kept me very busy for so many days...I hope u wud all sympathise with me.Life is indeed very difficult. Especially if u belong to high places.

Meanwhile, my latest ipod fell into the jug of imported vintage french beer when I bent forward to take my gold chain which had fallen across the kashmir carpet in my private bar. I really really hate ipods that smell beer. Just when I was going to throw it from the fifth floor of my small house, my conscience pricked me. I decided to auction it for charity.I really wonder what a wonderful place this world would be if everyone thought and behaved responsibly like me. But yeah, it is always difficult to behave responsibly. Life is indeed difficult, more so when u are high among the highest. And as u know, as a hi-fi person I'm next only to the famous diamond mearchant, Varghese Patwari.

Btw,I had to urgently pay a visit to the plantation estate as well. The bloody workers there were demanding a wage hike. This was the 7th time they were demanding a hike this year. I always knew that they were born greedy. So I never listened to their earlier 6 demands. I won't mind their 7th either. Greedy beggars. To hell with them.
On the way back I gifted Rum bottles to the Union leader as a token of respect.He wrapped it in the pages of a Communist Manifesto to hide it from the gaze of dirty drunkards who wud do anything to get it.

That night I had a decent party at my Bunglow with classic champagne flowing all over.Boy it was fun. But thats how hectic life is. Very difficult indeed.

Until yesterday, I had to tend to the stream of celebrity guests who had come to see my new dog's kennel. With a higher pedigree dog comes higher responsibility. The bone-warming function was conducted by Bejan Bonewalla, the famous astro-palmist and leggist. It was morning 3.30 when the last guest departed. Still I managed to attend the afternoon seminar on Food Crisis in Guatimala. Its not impossible to do so many things and yet be a blogger.But yes, life is indeed difficult for people like me.

Losing Bachelorhood

It was sometime in the early 1990s, when I was in the 6th or 7th grade that I actually understood the gravity of losing bachlorhood. Our beloved Edwin sir, who taught us malayalam, used to wear white shirt and white dhoti/mundu. On one fateful day, he came to the school without wearing mundu. It was quite a scene.
Those without perverted mindsets would've understood that he shifted to pants and jeans. The mundu-era had ended for him.The next week on, he started wearing T-shirts too...something totally unexpected of a puritan like him.It was something like Pt.Bhimsen Joshi singing rap.Those who knew Edwin sir were baffled.We kids, nevertheless enjoyed the transition.
The reason for the change:He got married.
In our school, we had a friend by the name of a South Indian deity, whose abode is not accessible to women.(I'll not name him considering the risks involved.)However, he was very much found in the company of women, especially during the college days.Everytime I met him, his girl friend was brand new.The final news that came in was that he married yet another girl(ie. none of the 10-15 ex-girl friends) of the junior batch in his college.A Punjabi kudi.
His second love was beer.After marriage, he totally quit beer.ie.complete avoidance of beer. Instead he took up Vodka.
The reason for the change: marriage.
Another guy who did his masters from a well reputed Institute in India went to the US to make money.He felt as if he were the moon, up above the earth, viewing the earth from a distance..detatched from it..no responsibilities..nobody to question..and lots of money.One fine day,he was forced to marry by his parents.Immediately he started blogging.
Another friend of mine, two days after his marriage, sent me an urgent SMS. He wanted me to buy a recharge coupon for his cell phone.That was strange request. He is holding a responsible position in the government and draws a decent salary.Its I who used to ask him to buy this and that, given my then status as 'unemployed youth of India'.Anyway, I bought the recharge-talktime coupon and sent him the 'secret number' by SMS.Then I called him to verify the position.I was greeted by an Airtel "aunty" who told me in Kannada that my friend is 'out of range'.Boy..he is in Karnataka!( For the uninitiated and millions of my international readers, KARNATAKA is our neighbouring state. And btw, if you don't know yet,'we' live in KERALA.)So thats why he wanted a recharge coupon from some one in KERALA. Fine.So far fine.
Later,the real shock came when I was told later on that he was in Bandipur with his wife for honeymooning(no word like that?But its apt, na?)Now, the point is that this is a guy who is mortally scared of snakes, frogs, cats, dogs, cows, mosquitoes,house flies,deer,giraffe, hippos,horses, rhinos, rats,bats,lizards,antelopes,elephants, lions, tigers,leopards,oxen,centipede,millipede,all varieties of worms,and above all ants.Certain varieties of plants also manage to scare him. And this guy takes his newly wed wife for honeymooning to Bandipur! Of all places, Bandipur! Rediculous.
The reason for the new macho-make over: marriage.
In short, marriage alters life. Some changes may be as drastic as a change from beer to Vodka. Other changes may be silly like shedding mundu for jeans.It could in rare cases stimulate blogging. Whats your view on this...?
P.S: None of the perons mentioned here are real or living.If anyone finds any similarity, kindly keep it in your own mind.I assure you, its not you.

The Communist Blogger

Dear friends,
I was very busy for a while..
Meanwhile, I reformed. I've become a born again marxist. I gave up beer and whisky. Religion is an intoxicant. So I gave up Christian Brother's rum too. Now, I drink only Romanov Vodka. Purely secular.
My favourite colour is red and favourite food is 'parippu vada' and chai.My official mouth piece is beedi. I love lungi, especially the tied up version.( Neo-colonial capitalist studies estimate that 70% work time is lost in communist kerala as a result of the tying and retying of the lungi.) I regularly rinse my mouth with party slogans and eat boiled red rice.
I own quite a few industries (to create workers for the revolution) and business establishments in the name of the party.I'm a poor man basically. You could either address me as a poor fisherman or as a humble farmer. The choice is yours.
I firmly believe that one day, there will be a final revolution. Then all capitalists would be flushed out of this world.Only the workers will survive.People who think this is similar to the Final Judgement day are either capitalist imperialist spies or revisionist traitors.Anyway, for that day to come, we have to unite and address our daily slogans to St.Marx, our prophet.
Btw, we are facing certain Y2K like problems when we consider the Dictatorship of the proletariat.For instance some of us may have to leave our beloved work and become rulers. And as a rule, we hate rulers. So we'll kill them.That would be a perpetual problem as we'll kill all workers that way.Secondly, once we kill all the managers and owners of the industries, who will pay us wages at the end of the day? Anyway, all such issues could be dealt with at that time.The Polit Bureau is actively considering this issue besides next month's Bandh and hartal.
Our prophets, St.Marx,St.Lenin,St.Mao and St.Stalin are infallible, therefore always correct. We have other comrades waiting to be beatified. Once they are declared as Saints, their books shall be taught in the party study classes.
Guys, no more time for small talk....we've to rush to the next junction to throw a few urgent stones on the nearest bus. We need to register our protest against the imperial agression in Iraq. Bush will be terrified after this protest march.

1100 years of solitude

This is a surreal narration with a tinge of magical realism. Children may seek parental guidance.Parents may seek their children's guidance.

Once upon a time, there was a young boy called Mukesh Batliwala who lived in a forest near the village. Similarly, there lived a lion in a village near the forest. One fine day, the boy decided to go out to the village in search of water and cocacola. The climate was really hot (unlike in Shimla). In the forest there lived a small family of 23 members. The youngest in the family was Ursula. Her mother’s name was Brihandala.
Meanwhile, the Sensex had gone on to new heights from where the girls’s father was finding it difficult to get down without a ladder. But the lion was keeping a keen watch on all proceedings. (You must remember that the local hunter, Shikari Shambhu was out of station). After sensing the gravity of the situation, Newton initiated a dialogue process with all concerned parties to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution, which would also respect the rights and aspirations of the Kashmiri people. Suddenly, the father fell down along with the Sensex. Mukesh and Ursula had also fallen in love by this time. Meanwhile, the lion was caught in a compromising position along with a local bar waitress which led to mass resignations from the bar council. NDTV had indeed made an impact.
By then it was over 1100 years since Mukesh Batliwala had gone out in search of water and cocacola. He had become very aged and the cocacola ads had become too complex for him to understand. Suddenly he saw ants carrying a bottle of Mineral water along the ground. “Ursula….”, he shouted and fell down. And he was no more.

Health hazards with risky humour

A personal disaster occured to me of late when I was beaten black and blue by a gentleman who thought I was rediculing him. I regretfuly recall that I had innocently, and in retrospect, needlessly commented ( eh..my usual stuff!) on my friend's blog. The subject was re-remotely connected to this gentleman. Other learned Professors, including Prof.Alexander were also there to give company. All of us were put in our respective places by this gentleman who taught us that our poor "jwaaakes" will not be tolerated by him. Consequently I suffered a shock. I spent the next four hours in deep meditation in a den, alternately called as my room. I got enlightenment. I pass on the gospel on 'risky humour' to the society at large....
A voice from the heaven told me that Humour is defined as the ability of people, objects, or situations to evoke feelings of amusement in other people. Its a form of human communication which makes people laugh or feel happy.
The voice then startled me with the revelation that sense of humour is the ability to experience humour. This referred to as First Law of Humourology.It depends on variables like geographical location, intelligence, culture, maturity, level of education and context. For example, young children particularly favour slapstick( as in cartoons) while satire tends to appeal to more mature audiences.
The next revelation was the Second Law of Humourology. It states that jokes are funny only when told the first time.(ie. mostly..unless its too good a joke or ur audience is too dumb.)
Intense Meditation then revealed to me that the important ingredients in humour:
The relevance factor.
The surprise factor.
The novelty factor.
For example:
A man speaks to his doctor after an operation. He says, "Doc, now that the surgery is done, will I be able to play the piano?" The doctor replies, "Of course!" The man says, "Good, because I couldn't before!"
Hope u get it. No? Forget it.
Humour is of various kinds but I'll just move on to my favourite kinds of humour...ie. the risky variety which could pose problems:
Sarcasm, Irony, Surreal humour, Satire, Stereotypes, Droll humor, Anti-humor and Nonsense jokes....Good, did I give u a fright? Read on to be further terrified...and yes, these are the most dangerous of all humour!
Sarcasm is sneering, jesting, or mocking a person, situation or thing. It is expressed as over-emphasizing.To understand sarcasm requires good general intelligence and better social intelligence. Sarcasm can be difficult to grasp in written form and is easily misinterpreted. To prevent this some people end sarcastic comments on the Internet with an emoticon emphasize words with italics, bold, and/or underlining. But that can also kill a joke!( But again, it can land u in trouble as I did crash land the other day!)
Irony is a gap or incongruity between what a speaker or a writer says, and what is understood.
"You have the face of a pig" is sarcasm: "Your face is so beautiful..... for a pig" is ironic.
Surreal humour is a form of humour based on bizarre, absurd situations, and nonsense logic.Probably the most common form of surreal humour is the non-sequitur, in which one statement is followed by another with no logical progression.
The learned Prof.Varghese Panamthundil Alexander specialises in this. Yeah, Karthik's limericks too show this quality! I'm also a fan of this style when you just don't have to follow time or logic. (Thus you can have Sonia Gandhi& Maneka Gandhi intervening to stop India's partition in 1478.)
Satire is a mode of challenging accepted notions by making them seem ridiculous.It requires an opponent who is sensitive to feel the arrows of wit levelled at him.On the other hand, some works of satire are so subtle in their exaggeration that many people take it seriously true.(Again, a problem that I encountered the other day!)
Priya often does beautiful satires...I remember one in which she ascribes inanimate things with motives and intentions. It is not necessary that one should have a underlying inner meaning as in The Animal Farm by Orwell.
Droll humor is an often dry, witty form of humor that elicits laughs through amusingly odd, sometimes zany behavior or speech. Due to its more subtle nature, this type of humor is not commonly used by comedians.An example is gven below...
I'm alone in the House. I hear strange noises at night like creak, groan and "Prasanth, I'm going to kill you." ...So I remembered what my mother told me, "Whenever you feel afraid just whistle a happy tune... [whistling] ...then I felt a hand around my throat and a voice said, "Thanks. I thought I'd never find you in the dark."
Anyone reminded of Sowmi shtyle?
Anti-humor is a type of indirect humour that involves the joke-teller delivering something which is deliberately not funny, or lacking in intrinsic meaning. The audience is expecting something humorous, and when this does not happen, the irony itself is of comedic value.
Anti-jokes may rely on deconstruction of the joke, deriving comedy from the unexpected or inappropriate use of technical language
It could sometimes cross over and become a meta-joke:
"Three blind mice walk into a bar. Hmm...They are unaware of their surroundings, so it would be irresponsible to derive humour from their predicament."
Yeah, Varghese does that too!
Nonsense jokes lack intrinsic meaning, and become funny simply because they are absurd:
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: A slice of soup about this color. (said while indicating some width with one's hands)
Made any sense? Precisely. Funny? Well, it depends on the delivery mechanism!
Stereotype Often a stereotype is a negative caricature or inversion of some positive characteristic possessed by members of a group, exaggerated to the point where it becomes repulsive or ridiculous.
Stereotype production is based on:
Simplification
Exaggeration or distortion
Generalization
The innumerable Sardarji jokes are based on this variety. Ever heard of a Sardar taking offence to it? Just imagine a proper well built Sardar pouncing on you.....its not that they can't repond. Its just that they are too good and are really fun loving guys with great humour sense!
Not all groups are like this. And there are individuals who are very intolerant of criticism and who lack humour sense proper! So beware...
So, one can easily sense that my preferred kind of humour is....well... sort of dangerous. If I overuse it, it's like chilli, it will burn the entire stuff. A little here and there spices things up but you don't make many friends by sprinkling it in everything. And unfortunately if anyone with a "differently abled" sense of humour comes in the way, you are doomed!

True History revealed!

The true history hitherto unrevealed and suppressed by vested interests is finally exposed!
It is usually the vanquisher and the winner who scripts the "History" and it is his version that finds a place in history books and school text books. Now, for the first time in World History, the independant and true version of History is brought to you without fear or favour to any section, race, nation, sex or ideology. This shall be presented to the world community as a lecture series on this blog. World famous Historians, Prof. Varghese Panamthundil Alexander & Prof.Prasanth Nambron. (myself-editor) shall provide expert guidance and advice. Other visiting experts can post their learned comments. It shall be incorporated into the minutes of the discussion as the lecture proceeds.This World Historians Meet shall be a churning out of truth, ultimate truth.
The introductory Episode shall deal with Modern World History. The moderator is Shrimati Lahari. An extract of the preliminary discussion is hereby produced:
Lahari: Welcome gentlemen. Sirs, could you provide a picture of India's partition? Were the Britishers to be blamed for this? Then why do we hate Pakistan more than we hate the british?
Prof:V.P.Alexander(PVPA): Lahari, YOU GOT YOUR FACTS COMPLETELY WRONG.. This is what really happened: When Jinnah asked for a different country in 1940, pakistanis supported it, But gandhiji opposed it. Later with support from Bangladesh, Pakistanis got Jinnah to form a new country which also got a part of Kashmir. Later after independance India fought a lot of battles with China to get a part of China and later traded that with Pakistan to get that piece of Kashmir from Pakistan. Its still not resolved because China is asking for US mediation in this while India is asking for SriLanka to mediate in this issue. I HOPE NOW THINGS ARE A LITTLE CLEAR TO YOU.
Prof.Prasanth.N(PPN): We need to understand the historical facts correctly. Prof.Alexander has given a slightly lopsided version. He has put the bulk of the blame on the Bangladeshis while it were the Sinhalese population settled in Punjab who initially supported Jinnah.The Sinhalese were initially linked to the Trincomali based LTTE which then played a vital role in co-ordinating India's partition.And when Rajiv Gandhi opposed this, he was killed. Despite strong protest from Sonia Gandhi and Maneka Gandhi, India was partitioned.We shud also remember at this juncture that Chinese guns were used by the Vietnamese soldiers against the Americans.Subramaniam Swamy had opposed this also among many other things.Despite this, India lost the test series in Pakistan.On other facts, I agree with Prof.Alexander.
Lahari: Thank you Sirs. I am enlightened. Now, why is cricket between India & Pakistan such a big issue? Why are we backward in most games..any historic reasons?
Prof.Prasanth.N(PPN): See, Brits not only arranged cricket matches but also hockey,kabbadi and kho kho between communities to prevent unity...this called "Divide & Rule Policy". After the Brits left, nobody conducted these, and thus we became backward in sports.Thus infact our backwardness in sports is due to the abrupt leaving of Brits...This has occured all over the world. In such a condition the sportspersons are referred to as "Subsidiary aliens". This causes real backwardsness in sports.
Prof:V.P.Alexander(PVPA):But there is one good thing that Britishers did, driving India backwards, India went so backwards that India started getting medals in Swimming backstroke event. In 1969 Olympics, India's Chitra Iyer became 4th in 97m women's Backstroke event. The best timing by any Indian woman in Olympics. She is currently playing in Indian woman's football team in Left back wing position.
Lahari: Thats indeed exciting.... Historically speaking how do you see Chitra Iyer's performance in the last century and in this Millenium?
Prof.Prasanth.N(PPN): We need a Geriatric approach to understand this. Chitra Iyer was indeed fabulous in the 1969 back stroke event.Her coach who had endured mild strokes earlier migrated from Pakistan through South Korea to coach her.
One trivia which most people do not know is that Chitra Iyer, besides being a wonderful Left back wing player of football, excels in Full back position in the current womens Hockey team under the pseudonym of Lata Mangeshkar.We owe a lot to the Brits for all these backwardness.
Prof:V.P.Alexander(PVPA): Yes...and Prof.Nambron you would recall, recently Chitra Iyer was selected for the Women's cricket Team under the pseudonym, Shobhana George. Its a positive development.
Prof.Prasanth.N(PPN): Just imagine...Chitra Iyer who won a medal in 1969 Olympics is playing in the current Hockey, Football and Cricket team under the pseudonyms. Its thrilling for some. But some eminent sports persons like Arjun Singh have called for communal representation in the teams and to restrict the games played by Chitra Iyer. This is known by the term" Reservation" in Contemporary History.
Prof:V.P.Alexander(PVPA): Some religious bigots have termed Chitra Iyer's inclusion as the cause of drought in Rajasthan. Infact it is the attempt of upper caste Thakurs of the village to somehow push in their grand mothers into the team at the expense of Chitra Iyer. This process is called as Sanskritisation.
Lahari: Sir, could we wind up the introductory discussion with a summation of the direction of International politics as viewed by a Historian...
Prof.Prasanth.N(PPN): Current trends of International politics are deeply linked to the 1962 Cuban Missile crisis.I would like to stress the point that Bangladesh was ultimately responsible for the cuban missile crisis. World over, the established Historians have absolved them of this crime. The silly argument that they raise is that Bangladesh was formed only in 1971. As intelligent Historians we should observe that the difference is hardly 9 years, which is not such a big gap. India was not at all involed because we were busy fighting with Chinese shepherds at that point of time.
In short, the current trends, based on deductions based on the 1962 crisis shows that US-Iran alliance will emerge stronger and pose a greater challenge to Israel-Saudi Axis. Though the USA has been demanding right to self determination, it is very unlikely that Mozambique would grant it easily.Mozambique as a super power would be accepted all cross the world, even by Papua New Guinea.
Prof:V.P.Alexander(PVPA): I broadly agree with it. But I feel the events should be observed from the view point of LTTE rebellion in Assam. Geographically, Assam being close to Canada and Italy will cause major problems in South East Asian Markets.
Lahari: Thank you Sirs. Now the plenum is opened for other delegates to share their learned opinions...students of History can also ask their doubts concerning Modern History in this plenum.

An ex-minister's day out

Maramandan Tripathy was thoroughly tired.He struggled to avoid the waiting reporters as he came out of the meeting with his supporters. He could hardly walk. But his brains were still working at a maddening pace.How could the prime minister behave like that to him! After all, he too had a stature and political standing of over three decades.He was far senior to the PM in politics.The PM was just a dragon fly visible since last monsoon...yet he has the temerity to ignore and punish him like this. Uh!
First of all, he was removed from the cabinet. Now he was being implicated in three more cases besides ofcourse his son, as usual, being chargesheeted in another four cases. Though a man of eighty five, Mr. Maramandan Tripathy had always been the most visible and active of all ministers; he had been a master campaigner and organiser, tough negotiater and a master strategist for all elections.But now? Now he was an isolated entity within the party. The opposition would have nothing to do with such a tainted ex-minister. He had nowhere to go and only a handful of supporters.
As he walked across the Janpath road towards his car,pushing aside the waiting reporters, he heard a female voice. Startled he turned around....the voice was from across the high wall to his left. He was shocked to hear what the voice said....the voice was repeating monotonously, " 45...45.....45...45...ha ha ha ha" The laugh was hysterical.
$45 million was the bribe money he took to allow the import of Armenian perfumed coconut violating the country's long standing tradition of not importing perfumed coconut.In 1962, after the Chinese invasion, the then PM, J.L.Nehru had taken this strategic decision to bring down government spending and national extravagence.Maramandan Tripathy, though of the Nehruvian mould, violated this foreign policy paradigm as well as other Nehruvian policies. But that was for the party and for himself.For money basically.
But now he was shocked to hear people hiding behind walls making fun of him by shouting aloud his bribe money...this was too much.All that he wanted now was respect. He was too old to fight for power or money.He looked at the numerous press reporters. Were they jeering at him? Insult was something he could never take.Maramandan Tripathy took a deep breath and turned towards the wall.
" Abbe kaun hai..saamne aa.." He dared,"himmat hai to saamne aa.."
"45...45...45..hahahaha....45..45....45.."
Tripathy's old voice crackled,"Abbe...baahar nikal.."
"hahahaha...45..45..."
He rushed towards the wall. The gate of the compound was locked from outside.The voice went on making fun of him.He was utterly helpless. This was the most insulting phase in his entire political career.In front of the press.....thoroughly humiliated. Placing his hands on the wall, he moved about frantically,badly wanting to crush the originator of the voice. The voice meanwhile went on shouting, as if to irritate him more and more.Finally he spotted a small 1 inch hole on the wall. With a twinkle in his eyes, he moved towards it and thought,"Now! I'll see who this bitch is....I'll fix her later."
As Tripathy peeped into the hole on the wall, something suddenly pierced into his eye.
"Aaaaaaaaaagrh......" Maramandan Tripathy cried out in utter pain as he fell back." Meri aakhen...aaaooouu..."
Someone had poked a twig into his eys.It was bad. Really bad and bleeding.
A huge crisis had developed. The ex-cabinet minister had been attacked.The entire government machinery swung into action.Maramandan Tripathy was immediately rushed to the AIIMS. Live interviews with Ophthalmologists were aired on all channels.The news papers were searching for appropriate pictures of the eye ball. The PM expressed shock. The President declared his pain and anguish. An investigation was ordered.
Meanwhile, the site of the incident was cordoned off. The activities around Janpath died down slowly. By 12.30pm it was almost silent. One voice could yet be heard in the stillness of the night, a female voice which monotonously repeated," 46...46..46...ha ha ha ha.." The laugh was indeed hysterical.

A Dummies guide to Kerala Elections

The whole nation seems to be interested in the elections in Kerala.( really?) Here is a guide for the uninitiated, especially non-mallus.

Main protagonists:
0. The father, son & party.

1. Oommen Chandy ( Oo-man Chaan—dii) & party.

2. V.S.Achuthanandan (Achoo—thaa—nan—dan) & party

3. Other broomstick parties ( explained below)

4. Particle parties whose existence is subject to speculation.

Meet Shri.Karunakarji, the father of K.Muralidharan ( like u say, the father of the nation). He is the pivot around whom the state politics revolves, or so he thinks. I had the good fortune to meet him the other day. This young octogenarian exuded confidence that his party would come to power. On being asked to specify the name of his party, he appeared confused…..finally he retracted the initial statement and denied having met me at all. But boy, he is a man of pucca words and immense integrity.

He left the INC on ideological differences. Recently he realised that his basic ideology is his own son. Thereupon he returned to strike a deal with the INC. The good boy Karunakarji has thus joined the incumbant CM, Oomman Chandy (Oo-man Chaan—dii) to toil it out at the hustings.
Btw, his recently formed party is known by the name DIC(K).( The Election Commission permits such names too..?? ) A particular section of movie makers from the US have expressed their support to his new party.

Now meet the leader of opposition, Sri.V.S.Achuthanandan (Aa--choo—thaa—nan—dan, as in Ma—oo—Tse--Tung) who is busy celebrating the closure of yet another factory in his home town. During leisure time he pulls down plantain crops and cuts down coconut trees. Why? Well, he is protesting against other crops being grown in paddy fields, as a result of which agricultural workers lose jobs! He has promised much more if he comes to power. He also plans to kick out the IT companies so that people return to manual labour. This will also ensure that his party has enough working class members. But alas, he has problems in reaching the gaddi of CM.

Mr.V.S.Achoo’s fate is unique:
When he wins the election, the party loses.
When the party wins, he loses.
In short, he never became the CM.

His close friend in the party Pinarayi Vijayan ( Pi-na-rai Vi-ja-yan, as in Che-gue-ra) is working hard to make sure that this time also poor V.S.Achoo doesn’t make it to the Assembly. So much for camaraderie within the party!

Then there are various broom stick parties. They are named thus on account of their singular structure and resemblance to any one strand from a broom. Here we can see the hard working politician taking up the role of President, General Secretary, MLA and Minister all by himself as he alone can represent his party. (Obviously, because he/she is the only member!) These parties exist only because of the fact that they are attached to either of the two major entities..
The third force in Kerala politics exhibits particle nature. It is known by the name Bhajappa in north India and as BJP down south. Minute particle. Period.

CNN-IBN reports that malayalis are enthusiastically rushing to the polling booths to make a choice from amongst the above wonderful options.

I just hope the voter turn out doesn’t cross 100%.

Murgi kyu kukduku karti hai?

Tera chehra kitna suhana....
Dedicated to my favourite, the great, one and only Jagjit Singh. (May he survive this)

Achi murgi mil jaye to, us pe shayari kardenge..
Murgi dekho kismet wali,waqt ane par dufna jati hai..
Kitnom ko ye sammaan milega, Quam hame yu dafnaye

(These gaps are intended for chorus "wah wah")

Sarkar ye kitni rangeeli hai,Murgom pe yu beharba hai,
Berehmi se Marenge aur prem se dafna bhi denge...

( chorus "wah wah")

Murgon ki hum baat kare to, sharm se aakhen chuk jaaye
Inki biradari ke kitnom ko, besharmi se hum nigal gaye

( "wah wah...khoob farmaya aap ne..")

Na sudhre hum, na sudhrenge, khane ko phir ayenge
Lekin kya hai, phir bhi dekho, murgi bole kukuduku...
hai..hai..Murgi bole kukduku..

( "wah wah...kya baat hai...lajawab..bahut khoob")

Indian Adukkala Service?

8th April, 2006.Union Public Service Commission,Dholpur House, New Delhi.
The donkey gained audience of the Lion king for the second time. ( Prologue: The Holy Biography of a Donkey )
The Lion's board consisted of 4 other members. The donkey braved the initial roars of the lion. A creature from eastern jungles who had exceptionally opaque dentures asked the donkey whether he had studied International law.
Donkey:No saaar.That wasn't my option in my LLB. course.
creature:Must be interested in it though..
Donkey:No saaar..not at all.
creature: Then u must be loving Constitutional law..
Donkey: ehaw ehaw...
After the creature proved the donkey's incompetence in any form of law he roared in utter staisfaction. The only human being on the board,Sri.Lalit Man Singh, then asked a few sensible questions which were answered based on the donkey's past interactions with other human beings, especially the Dhobi.
A lady with an abnoxious look carried the conversation forward.
Lady: Beta, u have a red banana in ur State? Tell me why it is red?( wow!)
Donkey: Yes Maaadam, we have red, yellow and green banana. But I dunno why it is red.( Still thinking why there is no black banana.)
Lady: Explain the banana stem in layman's language...
Donkey: The lower portions of the leaves fuse and form a fleshy cylindrical mass that attaches itself to the soil by means of underground roots there by making it an erect structure, though the fleshy stem expels water like fluid upon incision, essentially proving that the stem is basically standing on its own purely on will power...
Lady: bas kar beta bas....Just tell me what u had for breakfast..
Donkey: Puttu and kadala.(grams)
Lady: what?
Donky: err...Puttu and banana( aha..she'll ask me where kadala is cultivated. No way, I'd rather have banana!)
Lady: Beta, how do u make puttu?
Donkey: Maaadam, take a cylindrical vessel and fill it with raw rice flour and some coconut gratings.Apply steam through it..
Lady: bas beta bas..tell me how do u make Idly..
Donkey: ( do I look like a cook..) Well, take a metal plate with depressions which shall hold the preospective Idlies in the form of fermented dough of a particular consistency. Steam it.Eat it.
Lady: How do u ferment it beta?
Donkey: Put in yeast Maadam.The Fungus will ferment it.( Yeast in Idly? My Mathaji said "Ayyo")
Lady: Acha acha..( Will try this recipie on my hubby) What do u eat for lunch?
Donkey:( Geee..I think I'm being short listed as a chef) Rice Maaadam.
Lady: Only rice? Will it be balanced diet? What protein do u take Donkey beta?
Donkey:Fish Maadam.( no grams,no soya bean...hell, again I dunno where these are cultivated ...I'd rather have fish) And we catch it from water.
Before the Lady cud move to Dinner, the last member, probably hungry by then took the baton. He asked some things which the donkey noticed to be passing precisely a few centimetres above its cranium. Since the donkey could not possibly convince him, he tried his best to confuse him. He looked sufficiently bewildered at his answers.
By then two of the board members were very hungry and two others badly wanted to rush to the urinals. As a courtesy gesture, the donkey withdrew from the room after proper salutations and hew haw.The Donkey was mighty impressed with the Board. Wonder what the board thought of him.
The sure casualty of the story is the Lady member's hubby.

Buddha's Delight

From time immemorial I was a pure veggie. Then on a historic day, that my mother did not care to record, I became a non-veg eater. This happened in the late eighties. But in the mid nineties, I reverted to vegetarianism upon seeing gruesome pictures of butchered cows and goats. As a child, my heart bled for those animals and I joined PETA. Maneka Gandhi even wrote me a letter.
After six long years of vegetarianism, one fine evening I turned into a chicken eater.
That was in Bangalore. My friend and I were the only mallu male students in the batch and we happened to be the darlings of the senior mallu chechis. They found their long lost kumbh-mela brothers in both of us. One evening, a ChechiX, (name withheld) decided to throw a special party to celebrate her engagement.(The sad part of the story is that Chechi’s engagement very soon broke up. She eloped with a computer operator without finishing her house-sourgeoncy…) This wonderful Chechi had a prominent role in dismantling the viswamitra in me who had resisted temptations of chick(en). From then on, for months on end, I conducted a Digvijaya, pouncing upon all varieties of chicken.
Finally on an unrecorded date, I again became a vegetarian after seeing cages full of poultry pushed and shoved into a truck. I was reformed. If I had seen anything more I might have stopped eating completely and taken sanyas. I was reminded of Sidhartha Gautama who lived in the 6th Century BC. History repeats itself, very true.
Unlike the Buddha, my reformation was short lived. The period of sinning too was short lived as I found an article by Maneka Gandhi so moving that I quit non-veg food completely. For three months, precisely. Then I started eating chicken and quit reading Maneka Gandhi completely.
You must nevertheless understand that I never venture out on my own to start sinning. But once the first sin (aadi paapam) is committed, I’m very good at sustaining it. By now, I had learnt that to continue as a sinner, one should avoid looking at unpleasant sights and stop reading uneasy articles. One can train the senses and the memory not to disturb our conscience. It is an art. I entered the new Millennium as a confident sinner against the winged species.
In my gastronomic career, my greatest enemies were my own friends who poke fun at me during my non-veg period by quoting my own ‘great advices’ rendered during the veggie era. And when you are running a veggie period its very authenticity is put in question. The past few years saw me function as a troubled pendulum. The frequency was/is however undetermined. ChechiX and Maneka Gandhi are infact two symbols of culinary beliefs fighting within my subconscious mind.
“So, what is your current status?” When I dine with my friends I’m confronted with this wicked question and I can sense the iniquitous humour in the question. They term my frequent shifts in culinary habits as ‘chicken hearted’. That’s okay with me. Speaking of current status, I was a pure sincere vegetarian until I dug my teeth into chicken at my cousin’s marriage last week. (anyone tasted Thalassery Biriyani? Nothing like it.) There after I continued my sinning spree for the next two days…was just beginning to enjoy.
And then bird flu hit India :-(

The Holy Biography of a Donkey

Once upon a time there was a donkey who lived in a jungle by the riverside. The donkey had many friends.

Many of his friends were vultures and eagles. One of the vultures went as far as Nepal to learn tearing flesh. Many of his other friends were foxes who chased ambulances.
An ostrich was also his friend. He was employed as an officer in the Lion King’s police force. Another friend was a mongoose who was a software engineer in the forest across the river. Many migratory birds who studied with him were now settled across the river. They also claimed to be in software profession. Another un-identified animal, though not a bird, was associated with flying objects.

The donkey initially joined a course to become a vulture. But since he was a donkey, he left the course mid way. The donkey was also trained to chase ambulances. Again, since he was a donkey, he felt he should not behave like a fox.

The donkey always felt that he should be employed by the Lion. Finally the Lion called him for an interview. Throughout the interview, the donkey brayed to entertain the roaring lion. But since he proved to be an excellent donkey, the lion did not appoint him.

The next year, the donkey prayed that he be given another chance by the Lion King. The buffalo who loved the donkey prayed to the God of the Jungle. The buffalo also firmly believed that the donkey was capable of getting the job with the Lion King.

The question before us now is:
Was the buffalo also becoming a donkey…?