Letters from a daughter to her father:Week 3

4 July 2009

Friends,

On the occasion of completion of 3 weeks in the academy, Bitya Rani's one more letter in the series of "Letters from a daughter to the Father" has come to my hands. Kindly peruse for information and no necessary action:

Dear Papa,

The recent Delhi High Court order has created quite a ripple in the school. Few dirty fellows were telling me that my close friend Jhabua ka Babua had fought and won that particular case. But he has totally denied this. I believe him entirely.

On the contrary, I have my doubts on few others. I am told that with this order, a new vista has been opened…a window of opportunity…a rare possibility. Now to change the benches on which we sit, we need not strike friendship with a friend of the opposite sex. Same gender courtship can in the near future be a ground for changing our benches (or cadres, as they are colloquially referred to). Whatt ann idea sirrjee…

With the benefit of the new interpretation of 377, the animal angle for cadre change is being examined in detail by Dr.Basavaraju, the renowned vet. People interested in Assam may court the Rhino and those courting the Ridley turtles may get Orissa. An affair with an elephant can take you to Karnataka, while a fling with Khataknath chicken can take you straight to Jhabua! A window of immense possibility has been thrown open and our batch may be the first to exploit these.

It is in this context that the eminent social scientist, commentator and leader of the moral brigade, Dr.Deepak Rawat requested the authorities to keenly observe the room mates who display suspicious behaviour.

Our morning meditation sessions have been disrupted due to rain and I really miss it. The 3 piece bikini movement has thus come to a grinding halt. But we try our best to meditate during the classes with increased vigour.

Papa, our school is very liberal and actively encourages alcohol consumption. Those who take just a quarter peg have been put in quarter group. Similarly, there are pint groups, half groups and full groups. Only my friend Arthur sits in the full group.In our Quarter group sessions there was extensive discussion on onion, potato, chicken(murga) and other food items. The debate was basically as to what goes best with a quarter peg whiskey. A chicken rearing experiment carried out by a young active, honest and dynamic IAS officer in Jhabua was discussed in such a session. Murugan the subject expert on murgi on being contacted however refused to comment on the merits of this case.

During a quarter session, Raghav, my friend described how best he tried to create a law and order problem in the sedate town of Madurai. It is not rare to find such drunken people create nuisance after consuming a quarter or half. Raghav after a quarter peg apparently tried to break down a wall and this led to clashes and police firing.

The other day, after a quarter or so, Dr.Dange expounded a detailed presentation on Total Sanitation Campaign. She apparently conducted surprise checks in the village in the early hours to strictly enforce it. Social Scientist Pausumi Basu was very much interested in the nature and content of the competitions held for the villagers, as part of this campaign. But going by the snaps displayed during the presentation by Dr.Dange, the toilets constructed in the district did not have any doors and it was theorectically ‘open defeacation’. Besides, health activist, Dr. Saini observed, that with such extensive 24x7 coverage using installed cameras, some people might unreasonably feel shy to enter the toilets. He gave a detailed diagrammatic explanation to explain the psychological thought process of an individual who enters such a toilet. It was brilliant. Not even Mona could give such an exposition.

The faculty wanted a concerted effort to create awareness for Total Sanitation to be implemented.

The renowned thinker and philosopher, Ajit Patil, after consuming a quarter, however gave a more practical method of implementing Total sanitation. His idea was to have NREGA workers armed with air guns to patrol the village fields in the early mornings.

Soon after that, Dr.Gunwant gave an emotional talk on gender issues which left the thinker, philosopher & Social scientist, Pausumi Basu wondering whatz the difference between gender and sex. After meditation, it dawned upon her that as far as she was concerned one is a verb and the other a noun.

On Monday, we had an uncle who came to talk to us on how he was forever hounded by all the District Collectors because they were all hydrophobic. This uncle was the only sensible person left on the planet and only he knows how rain happens, how rivers are formed and how oceans are filled up. It was lovely to listen to him. With 4 snaps and a kurta, he could hold us spell bound for 2 hours. He advised the Government on water issues. This monsoon season, he is very much occupied as he is currently advising God almighty.

The most interesting session this week was a discussion on ‘to be or not to be’ led by 10 fools who had ‘never been’ but hope ‘to be’ and made to so discuss by those who ‘have been’…all initiated by a write up by someone foreigner who ‘has never been’ and 'will never be', quoting someone who ‘had been’ and who probably wants nobody else ‘to be’. It ended on a positive note probaabbbly because primaarilly it could not end on any other note.

Today we were visited by an uncle who is suspected to carry swine flu virus. We had dinner together, we standing and the uncle sitting. My friends and I always kept a distance of 3.5 metres from him, while our teachers and seniors were jumping around him. They were probably expecting some special dish called empanelment-masala. He followed a highly unpredictable trajectory while having soup and hit upon many unsuspecting pupils who were keen to avoid him. Every time he coughed, we shuddered.

Tomorrow is the big day Papa! Granny Chabbees foot Traditionwali, the chairman of our school management is arriving tomorrow. The entire school has been spruced up. We just hope that as has been happening with our batch throughout, this event may also be cancelled happily and we may get our week end back!

Btw, I heard that on the next weekend we’ll be forcibly asked to enjoy a pleasure trip.

Nothing else Papa, allz fine here.... Bye…

Love,

Bitiya Rani