Pressure to Bare

From reliable sources in Pakistan, I've learnt that Team India misses Ganguly very badly. Really.

Dravid with the "perfectly dressed up gentleman" image can hardly do justice to the poor and semi nude millions in Bharat.Pressure is mounting on the team management to either reduce the clothing of the team or atleast put them off occassionally. (The picture above was released to the media to contain criticism.)

For those who are uninformed, Dravid was under immense pressure to bare his back during the first ODI in Pakistan if he wanted to keep his captaincy. After all, that was the only way to exhibit team spirit.

As we all know Prince Ganguly was inspired by Gandhian principles when he decided to gently and delicately remove the foreign material on his back and then joyfully proceed to rotate it clock-wise thrice and then 'aunty-clock wise' for half an hour, until he was pulled to the ground by a joyous Kaif ( no no...not Katrina) who had meanwhile won the match for India in the Natwest series.Ganguly had all along superstitiously maintained an odd catatonic body posture in the pavallion so as to ensure the win.Commentators were quick to point out the significance of such a gesture on the part of the captain.So...so what? Isn't this old stuff?

Well, old times are coming back to haunt...Dravid muct be ruing the fact that he didn't show the wisdom to remove his shirt at that point of time. Thus he lost a chance to prove that he is a 'moving' force who leads from the front with bared chests.( Besides his fairer fans would've been delighted!) After he was made the captain, he had so many chances to remove and rotate his shirt. Poor man didn't utilise them either...

In this context we have to observe that even the pakistani cricketers and media persons are showering praise on Ganguly and his 'sportman spirit'. They also make it a point to educate poor Dravid to show team spirit and sportsmanship by not appealing against the Paki team. Little does he realise that good sporting relations are built upon defeats incurred and not wins registered. I would like to recall India's first tour of South Africa after the fall of Apartheid where we ensured good relations are built upon failures amassed by our team. (All that was spoiled a decade later by the meddling Delhi Police who brought out the Cronje tapes.)

Under the above circumstances, it is humbly submitted that Rahul Dravid take the following measures if he wants to maintain his captaincy:

Reduce clothing by 20% and introduce ritual rotation of clothes in air before and after the game.

Repeat unconsciously and ritually, every minute after the game that 'the boys did a great job'. This helps to project yourself as the lone man among the boys.( boys...eh.. in their thirties!)

The above measures should be undertaken whether the team wins or loses.

Then, appoint an empowered committe to scrutinise all appeals proposed against the opposition whose recommendations shall be forwarded to the Team sub committee whose report shall be sent to the North Bloc in New Delhi. The Foreign Ministry shall then conduct an opinion survey in the media, especially in the rival country upon which the Team Manager shall be forwarded a mandatory order from the Under Secretary in the Ministry. All these shall ofcourse should be implemented without affecting the beauty of the game.

And finally, daily recite Ganguly Chalisa which praises the erswhile captain and tells us all how much we miss him.

These are necessary to peacefully conduct captaincy in a country which thinks that every cricketer needs to be fired until of course he is really fired.