A Dummies guide to Kerala Elections

The whole nation seems to be interested in the elections in Kerala.( really?) Here is a guide for the uninitiated, especially non-mallus.

Main protagonists:
0. The father, son & party.

1. Oommen Chandy ( Oo-man Chaan—dii) & party.

2. V.S.Achuthanandan (Achoo—thaa—nan—dan) & party

3. Other broomstick parties ( explained below)

4. Particle parties whose existence is subject to speculation.

Meet Shri.Karunakarji, the father of K.Muralidharan ( like u say, the father of the nation). He is the pivot around whom the state politics revolves, or so he thinks. I had the good fortune to meet him the other day. This young octogenarian exuded confidence that his party would come to power. On being asked to specify the name of his party, he appeared confused…..finally he retracted the initial statement and denied having met me at all. But boy, he is a man of pucca words and immense integrity.

He left the INC on ideological differences. Recently he realised that his basic ideology is his own son. Thereupon he returned to strike a deal with the INC. The good boy Karunakarji has thus joined the incumbant CM, Oomman Chandy (Oo-man Chaan—dii) to toil it out at the hustings.
Btw, his recently formed party is known by the name DIC(K).( The Election Commission permits such names too..?? ) A particular section of movie makers from the US have expressed their support to his new party.

Now meet the leader of opposition, Sri.V.S.Achuthanandan (Aa--choo—thaa—nan—dan, as in Ma—oo—Tse--Tung) who is busy celebrating the closure of yet another factory in his home town. During leisure time he pulls down plantain crops and cuts down coconut trees. Why? Well, he is protesting against other crops being grown in paddy fields, as a result of which agricultural workers lose jobs! He has promised much more if he comes to power. He also plans to kick out the IT companies so that people return to manual labour. This will also ensure that his party has enough working class members. But alas, he has problems in reaching the gaddi of CM.

Mr.V.S.Achoo’s fate is unique:
When he wins the election, the party loses.
When the party wins, he loses.
In short, he never became the CM.

His close friend in the party Pinarayi Vijayan ( Pi-na-rai Vi-ja-yan, as in Che-gue-ra) is working hard to make sure that this time also poor V.S.Achoo doesn’t make it to the Assembly. So much for camaraderie within the party!

Then there are various broom stick parties. They are named thus on account of their singular structure and resemblance to any one strand from a broom. Here we can see the hard working politician taking up the role of President, General Secretary, MLA and Minister all by himself as he alone can represent his party. (Obviously, because he/she is the only member!) These parties exist only because of the fact that they are attached to either of the two major entities..
The third force in Kerala politics exhibits particle nature. It is known by the name Bhajappa in north India and as BJP down south. Minute particle. Period.

CNN-IBN reports that malayalis are enthusiastically rushing to the polling booths to make a choice from amongst the above wonderful options.

I just hope the voter turn out doesn’t cross 100%.